Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Spaghetti with Meatballs - Whole30 Style

Last week, as I mentioned in my previous post, I began the Whole30 Challenge.  Refer to the aforementioned posts if you want the whys, wherefores, and hows of this decision - for now, I am going to share my first recipe.  It's not really "my" recipe - it's combined from a few different blogs, starting with an idea from NomNom Paleo.  Yes.  Using zucchini to make spaghetti!  I had to try it.

So I bought myself a julienne peeler...



And got started.

First, before the spaghetti noodles were an issue, I had to make sausage.  So I found this recipe and followed it.  Only I quadrupled my quantities.  And I ask you in advance: please pardon the quality of these photos.  I may be a beginner at this food-blogging thing, but even a professional would have had trouble with the lighting I was dealing with.  I was cooking at 8:30 at night.  Why???  Long story.  Just trust me - there was NO natural light to be found.  I apologize profusely for the, um, unappetizing colors you might encounter.

Now, without further ado!

I combined:

1 lb ground turkey or pork
1 T onion flakes
1/4 tsp each cumin, black pepper, nutmeg, oregano, red pepper flakes, and ground ginger
1/2 tsp each dried basil, thyme, and sage
1-1/2 tsp sea salt
1 egg, lightly beaten

I browned up half of the sausage and saved it for use in a breakfast casserole.  I took the remaining 2 lbs and formed them into cute little balls about 1" in diameter while I heated a pan of grapeseed oil on the stove.  Why grapeseed oil?  Because it was a light oil that I had handy and it has a high smoke point - a big plus for a perpetual everything-in-a-pan-burner like myself.



Once that was done - and it took a long time to transform 2 lbs of sausage into 1" balls - I dropped a few of them into the hot pot to brown quickly.



Note: please don't leave the little meatballs for more than a few seconds to brown them on each side.  I put my first batch in and went back to forming more meatballs.  Duh.  I wasn't thinking about how hot the pan was, and should have known better.  They were so stuck I could barely retrieve them and they pretty much fell to pieces on me.  What we're going for here is not to cook them through - only to lightly brown them on all sides so they will have a nicely caramelized exterior before we cook them in tomato sauce later.  If we just plopped them right into the pot of tomato sauce raw, they would cook, but they wouldn't have that nice, savory, slightly crisp exterior that makes a nice contrast with their juicy innards.  Yum.  I'm getting hungry talking about all of this caramelization.  Let's move on to the next step, shall we?

After all of the meatballs were browned and waiting in a new pan (it took a while, but it was worth it), I simply popped open a jar of spaghetti sauce.  So easy, it made up for the labor of making the meatballs.  I chose one of the only brands I could find that did not contain added sugar or soybean oil.  C'mon, people. Soybean oil in spaghetti sauce?  Since when??


 Just as an aside, do you see that jar to the left?  Yeah, that was an Old Italian Spaghetti Sauce, or something.  Same brand, and an identical ingredient list except that the tomatoes were "Roma tomatoes."  I wondered why it had such a dark, rich color compared to the plain old "Spaghetti Sauce" pictured.  Well, I found out when I popped them both open.  Same exact sauce inside.  But the "Old Italian" stuff was in a dark red jar.  Yeah, I don't really understand the marketing thought process behind that one; but moving on!

In goes the sauce, so the meatballs could braise.  I got it up to a nice simmer, put the top on, and cooked those babies for nearly an hour, for two reasons: 1. I am terrified of salmonella in turkey and was determined to kill all traces of it; and 2. I kind of forgot about them for the last 20 minutes or so.  I had really intended to pull them at 40 minutes.  But that's the best part about braising - it's hard for your meat to dry out when it's drowning in liquids!


I'm actually totally faking you guys out with this long post because I'm just blabbering and trying to disguise the fact that I hardly took any pictures.  I'll do better in the future.  I'm new here in the cooking blogosphere.  This isn't even a cooking blog, for crying out loud.  I need a "Handprints in the Kitchen" section or something.

While the meatballs braised, I pulled out my knife, cutting board, and brand new julienne peeler.  And then I washed up about 6 zucchini, thinking I would only make enough noodles for a couple of meals.  




And from there, it's as easy as peeling the zucchini.  Per the suggestions at Nom Nom, I left the tops on the zucchini so I could use that as a handle, and used my knife to cut a thin slab off the side of each zucchini so it would lay flat on the cutting board.  From there, I grabbed on and went to town with my julienne peeler.  You should check out the pictures at Nom Nom because she did a much better job of photographing the process!

I only photographed the middle of the process:



And the end result.  Voila!  Spaghetti noodles!





I tossed them in a microwave-safe covered dish with olive oil, salt, and pepper, and popped them in the microwave (covered, of course) for 2 minutes.  My microwave is from the dark ages of microwaves, however, so you might need to do yours less.  It all depends on what texture you want!

And at last, after the meatballs were done, I was able to assemble my plate of spaghetti.


And it was delicious.  Really, really delicious.  So delicious that my husband, who isn't even doing the Whole30 yet, asked if I could make it again.  I would be happy to oblige him.  Next time around, though, I will remember - a word to the wise - don't eat too many zucchini "noodles" with each serving of your meatballs.  I kind of forgot about the fact that zucchini is, um, a lot more Fiber-Rich than your typical semolina noodles.  I'll spare you any details, but suffice it say: you could be a bit uncomfortable if you don't treat your zucchini noodles with respect and take a modest portion.

Here is the recipe in its succinct form:

Turkey Meatballs w/Zucchini Spaghetti 

(Printable version)

Meatballs:
1 lb ground turkey or pork
1 T onion flakes
1/4 tsp each cumin, black pepper, nutmeg, oregano, red pepper flakes, and ground ginger
1/2 tsp each dried basil, thyme, and sage
1-1/2 tsp sea salt
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 T grapeseed oil, light olive oil, or other light oil suitable for frying
1 jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce

Combine all ingredients except oil and sauce.  Form meat into 1" balls.  Heat oil in a pan over medium heat.  When the oil is hot (you can tell if it is starting to have a shimmery look), add a few meatballs at a time.  After a few moments, quickly use tongs to turn the meatballs over and roll them around so that they brown nicely on all sides.  If you leave them too long on one side, they will stick and fall apart!  Keep them moving!

When the meatballs are nicely browned, move them into a fresh pot and add a new batch to the hot pan.  Continue until all of your meatballs are browned and transferred into the new pan.  Pour in the jar of spaghetti sauce and gently stir so that it coats all of the meatballs.  Bring pot to a very low simmer, cover, and cook for 30-40 minutes, or until meatballs are thoroughly cooked.  While the meatballs are cooking, you can start on your:

Zucchini Spaghetti
6 medium zucchini
olive oil
salt and pepper to taste
julienne peeler

Cut a thin slice off the back of each zucchini so they will lie flat on the cutting board, leaving the tops on to use as a handle.  Using a julienne peeler, peel each zucchini, pressing firmly to form solid slivers - "spaghetti noodles!"  Toss zucchini noodles with olive oil, salt, and pepper to taste.  Put in a covered microwave-safe dish and heat for 2 minutes until just warm but not starting to disintegrate. 

Pour spaghetti and meatballs over the zucchini noodles and enjoy your grain-free pasta!

Doing the Whole30

Last Thursday I decided to start the Whole30 Challenge, cold-turkey.  I had been contemplating a drastic diet change for a while, owing to quite a bit of stubborn baby weight and numerous minor health problems that all added up to = a pretty constantly exhausted, overweight, out-of-shape me.  After I seemed to hit a particularly low point last week, energy-wise, I decided something had to change.  So I made the plunge.  Before I talk any more about it, though, I should probably tell you what "it" is.  But before I do that, I should give a few disclaimers, as well.

The Whole30 Challenge is based on a Paleo/Primal view of eating, whose premises I actually completely disagree with.  Their take is that we should be eating the foods our ape-like ancestors ate back in the hunter-gatherer days when no one (supposedly) would have used grains (not having the means to harvest them) or dairy (because they were too busy eating meat from cows to bother milking them, presumably), or numerous other foods that require a higher level of intelligence to obtain.  Something like that.  Basically, they say, we should be eating the foods that helped us to evolve to the state we are at.

Well, I think that's a bunch of hogwash.  But coming at it from a Creationist perspective, I still arrive at similar conclusions.  God created food, and it's very good the way He made it.  As soon as we add ourselves into the equation, though, we can mess things up.  And, of course, the Fall has made some of us more susceptible to allergies and such.  It makes sense that we should be eating food as naturally as possible most of the time, because that's the way God made it, and I'm sure He's better at making nutritious food than I am.

However, I don't think it's wrong to process and cook foods and change them from the way He created them.  He loaded the foods He created with all kinds of nutrients and benefits that we can sometimes access only  by processing and cooking them.  He didn't create the food and just hand us knives and forks and tell us to have at it.  No, we have to process animals to even access the meat, and we pretty much have to cook it to be safe.  Many fruits and vegetables are more digestible after being cooked.  Some nutrients are more easily absorbed from cooked foods.  He gave us the dominion mandate for a reason - we are to use the  minds He endowed us with to figure out the best ways to utilize the food He created.

I do not believe that natural foods are perfect.  There is no such thing as "nature's perfect food."  Because there is no such thing as perfection in a fallen world.  So some foods may be good for some people and not good for others, depending on blood-type, mutations, and genetics.  I don't believe there is an end-all, be-all, cure-all diet out there.  Part of the dominion mandate would involve figuring that out for ourselves - through trial and error and the experience of others.

So I think God meant for us to enjoy wheat, dairy, sugar, and all the other "bad guys" of the crunchy nutrition world.  He declared it as a blessing for the Israelites to be going to inhabit a "land flowing with milk and honey."  I don't think He would have said that if He never intended for us to eat those foods.  He also said, "Eat honey because it is good," but cautions against having too much, because it will make you sick.  Job asked, "Is there any taste in the white of an egg?"  It has long been in the human condition to want food to taste good, and elevating "health food" to the point that we lose tasty food would seem to be completely missing the point for me.  God made food to be good, and He made us to enjoy food, and that is a good thing.  I am not prepared to label wheat, dairy, sugar, legumes, or any other type of food as something that no one under any circumstances should eat.  We are all different.  For those who can tolerate wheat, by all means, eat all the pasta and sandwiches and tortillas you want, and I will try not to envy you.  We are not all the same.

So, that being said, I am all in favor of eating wheat and dairy.  But it makes me sick if I overdo it.  Perhaps I need to look into soaking my grains and buying raw milk, but I haven't gotten around to it, yet.  If there is an alternative to giving it up entirely, I am so on board with that!

For now, however, I am aware that certain foods that should be good make me sick.  I have numerous seasonal allergies, and seem to be prone to get sensitized to foods if I overindulge in them.  If I can cut the sensitizing foods out and then add them back in on a more controlled rotation, I might be able to get away with it. 

There.  Disclaimer's over.  Now onto the Whole30.  I stumbled across it while on vacation a few weeks ago, when I had some time to surf around and think about diet changes I should make.  I was intrigued when I came across it via Pinterest (my new addiction favorite site).  The basic idea is that you eliminate all foods that have a history of causing inflammation, as well as all processed foods of any kind, for a period of 30 days.  It would be easier to list what you can eat: meat, fruits, and vegetables.  Basically, that's it.  You can use healthy oils, vinegars, spices, etc. to dress it all up.  And you can have eggs.  But here's the Don't List, taken from the Whole30 site:  (I am reluctant to link to it owing to my rather strong disagreement with their premise, partly because I don't want to officially endorse them and partly because I don't really want to go starting fights via linkbacks.)

  • Do not consume added sugar of any kind, real or artificial. No maple syrup, honey, agave nectar, Splenda, Equal, Nutrasweet, xylitol, stevia, etc.  
  • Do not eat processed foods. This includes protein shakes, pre-packaged snacks or meals, protein bars, milk substitutes, etc.
  • Do not consume alcohol, in any form. 
  • Do not eat grains. This includes (but is not limited to) wheat, rye, barley, millet, oats, corn, rice, sprouted grains and all of those gluten-free pseudo-grains like quinoa.  
  • Do not eat legumes. This includes beans of all kinds (black, kidney, lima, etc.), peas, lentils, and peanuts.  No peanut butter, either.  This also includes all forms of soy – soy sauce, miso, tofu, tempeh, edamame, tamari and all the ways we sneak soy into foods (like lecithin).
  • Do not eat dairy. This includes all cow, goat or sheep’s milk, cream, butter, cheese (hard or soft), kefir, yogurt (even Greek), and sour cream.
  • Do not eat white potatoes. It’s somewhat arbitrary, but they are carbohydrate-dense and nutrient poor.
  • Most importantly… do not try to shove your old, unhealthy diet into a shiny new Whole30 mold.  This means no “Paleo-fying”  less-than-healthy recipes – no Paleo pancakes, Paleo pizza, Paleo fudge or Paleo”ice cream.  Don’t mimic poor food choices during your Whole30 program!  Those kinds of food miss the point of the program entirely.
  • One last and final rule.  You are not allowed to step on the scale during your Whole30 program.  This is about so much more than just weight loss, and to focus on your body composition means you’ll miss out on the most dramatic and lifelong benefits this plan has to offer.
And there you have it.  I actually completely forgot about the last rule, but who cares?  I'm fine with weighing myself.  I've lost 4 pounds already and I'm glad I know it because otherwise I probably would have quit the diet.  Why?  I'll get to that in a minute.  First, why did this appeal to me?  Because I think in some cases it is a good idea to do some kind of cleansing - where you cut out all potentially irritating foods and give your body a chance to recover.  And you might find that you feel so much better that you just want to keep eating that way! 

So I started with high hopes of success and am now 7 days into my challenge.  And as I mentioned, I've lost 4 pounds.  I am ecstatic about that part!  But I almost gave up because I felt horrible - until today.  Totally exhausted and shaky and ravenous and like I was operating in a fog.  I'm sure I've been detoxing, and I was getting increasingly concerned about whether it was healthy for me as a nursing mom.  But today was much better.  I had read that many people struggled with adjusting for the first week or two, but then had marked improvements in their health.  There are accounts of people getting over seasonal allergies, chronic fatigue, asthma, Crohn's Disease, arthritis, diabetes, endometriosis, hypoglycemia, IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), Lyme disease, and migraines - all from following this diet.  Most of them had their symptoms return if they went back to eating as they had before.  Well, with my minor issues of allergies and fatigue - and accompanying sinus infections - oh, yeah, and weight loss - I am hopeful about what it might do for me!

And now you know - why I'm trying the Whole30.  My original intent was to blog about each day as I did it, but since I started a bit unprepared and spent the first two days basically foraging until I managed to get a decent amount of food cooked up...well...it wouldn't have made the most interesting blogging.  But I have at least one recipe I want to share that I found via another blog - spaghetti and meatballs with Whole30-friendly noodles.  What could it be, you ask?  It starts with a "Z."  And it's much easier than you'd think. 

Stay tuned.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Posting Should Be Easy

Really.  How hard can it be to just put up a blog post once a day?  It doesn't sound so hard.  But from my blogging, you would think it's the hardest thing in the world.

Perhaps it's because I think every post I put up has to be earth-shattering.  Deep.  Unplummable.  Okay, so I'm fooling myself on the last one.  Or two. 

Hey, I like to dream!

Anyway, all of that to say - I just need to start posting, people!

So I'll post about what I've done today.

Which would be...not much.

Yep.  It's been one of those lazy Saturdays that only comes around a few times a year - usually owing to some kind of illness.  It's lazy because my husband had to work most of the night (from home, thankfully!) and so he's very tired...my oldest wee one seems to have roseola and is laying a bit low with a fever and feels like doing lots of cuddling and book reading and Winnie-the-Pooh watching.  And I spent all day yesterday on my feet in the kitchen cooking and cooking for my latest attempt at a diet!  (You know, I should blog about that, really - stay tuned, but don't hold your breath.)  So it seemed like a great day to lay low and just enjoy each others' company. 

This means, being the foodies that we are, we've been spending a lot of time watching the Food Network.

 I suppose that might sound a little strange to some people.  When we're feeling tired and lazy, we don't usually turn on a movie...we tune into the Food Network.  Or the Cooking Channel.  We just love staying hungry!  Especially when we're trying to do a grain-free-dairy-free-legume-free-sugar-free-almost-everything-else-free diet!  It makes it that much more tantalizing to watch Paula Deen cook up a delicious looking wafer-pudding.

Or not.  But I enjoy the helpful cooking tips so much that I just can't resist watching.  And Manly likes suggesting, "You should make THAT," or, "It would be fine with me if you wanted to make THOSE" periodically.  I always agree with him.  He has excellent taste.  I mean, he married me, right?

I'm just kidding about that last part.  I still can't believe he picked me.  But he wouldn't want me to carry on too much about my unworthiness and stuff so I'll just leave it at that.

We watched "Pioneer Woman" - the first episode.  I thought it was fascinating and, though I don't see myself cooking country fried steaks anytime soon...I love the glimpse of farm life.  I may be a city slicker, and I love having my bakery a block away and two organic grocery stores within a 20-minute drive - not to mention all of the shopping choices.  But it sometimes seems to me that the country lifestyle keeps people a lot closer to reality.  It keeps them a bit more grounded, somehow - a better sense of what really matters and how things really work.

And of course there's something intoxicating about the thought of waking up in the morning and looking out of the window at miles of rolling countryside...and knowing it's your land.  To breathe the fresh air.  To work the land - your land.  To be more self-sufficient.  I know it would be a lot more work than this city girl is used to.  But I don't think that could be bad for me.  I'd probably be in much better shape without having to make time to do a workout!  Manly and I are definitely intrigued by the idea of the country life.  But this isn't the season of life for it.  We'll just dream for now! 


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Sleeping Beauty

Like all of mankind, I am a beauty-seeker. And yet, so often, I forget to look for it – until a moment, a flash, a segment of beauty strikes me full force and I must stop and take it in.

Tonight I was readying for bed by the crib of my youngest. I glanced over at her in true motherly form – just to be sure she was alright – and was suddenly transfixed. Transfixed by her beauty. Oh, I am sure to many other mothers she is no more beautiful than the next baby – though I happen to think she is an exceptionally beautiful baby indeed.

But there she lay, and I stopped and whispered, “That is beauty.”

I am glad I stopped and saw the beauty of that moment. Tiny little girl all scrunched up in pink with her little ruffled bottom up and her fat, fluffy-pink-clad knees tucked under and her dimpled little arms tucked under her tummy...fuzzy little head with the perpetual cow-lick turned away from me with just some chubby velvet cheeks visible...little back rising and falling gently. Sheer peace – pure beauty.

My mommy heart pattered and I was thankful for the sublime beauty that is a sleeping baby. She is beautiful when she is awake, but she is astonishingly perfect when she is sleeping. Feather eyelashes draping over rosy cheeks...suck, suck, suck at the pacifier...little button nose breathing...little fontanel pulsing...beautiful and alive and sweet and sleeping.

Yes, I thought to myself...she is a beautiful child.

Even if she does often demonstrate the characteristics of a screaming banshee. Really...the shrieking of earlier today aside...I paused to soak up the moment and remembered that God makes them so cute when they are sleeping so that we will have a chance to forget about those screaming-banshee moments.

In the midst of the next screaming-banshee moment, I hope I remember to remember this moment of simple beauty.

Living to Die

In these quiet moments of naptime, I am faced with two options of how to spend the next two hours: I can catch up on the mountains of dishes from a very busy weekend, or I can sit here in my sunroom, sitting tea, writing the blog post that has been burning in my bosom.

It seems to me that it would be easier to write while the young ones sleep than it would be while they are awake. They enjoy watching me in the kitchen. So here I am, soaking up a bit of warmth from the cool morning sun and watching the sun cast window-paned shadows across the honey hued floors.

And simply thinking.

This life is the only chance at life we get. How quick we are to be caught up in the pell-mell rush of a mad society, sweeping the stragglers along in its current, saying hurry, hurry, hurry, and do more, do more, do more, and keep up, keep up, keep up.

Hurry, hurry, hurry – you're not hurrying fast enough – hurry more. And more.

But really, what are we hurrying towards? We race to fit all of our activities in so that we can get more done. We race madly, headlong through life, stressed and aggravated with all of the inconveniences that keep us from finishing our goals – especially those needy little nuisances called...

Our children.

So often we view them as impediments. So often we view them as aggravations to be managed. As road-blocks to keep sweeping out of the way as we fiercely bulldoze our way through life.

The young years in particular – we are so quick to view them as miserable days of drudgery to somehow live through by providing each other moral support and commiseration in MOP groups and playdates. Somehow we'll get through. Someday we'll get our lives back when these – these little leeches grow up.

These little leeches. These little needy leeches sucking our lives and our time away so that “me-time” is non-existent and so that there are even more dishes and laundry to be done but no one is old enough to help and they are always making messes and they never nap as long as they are supposed to so that I can have time to sit down and flip through a magazine and if I ever DO start to relax I'm always snapped out of it by loud feed-me shrieks or stinky diapers or needy hands reaching for hugs.

But wait a minute. Just wait a minute. So this society teaches me – that children are needy little annoyances to be pawned off to daycare as soon as possible so that I can get my life back. That they are inconvenient. Life-sucking. Exhausting. Maddening.

And so I see, in myself and all around me, the quick tendency of young Christian mommies to cave to the pressure to believe our children are our worst nightmares. To crave me-time and pout when we don't get it. To sulk when we can't sit and drink tea without being interrupted. To cry over mountains of dishes and laundry. To whimper because we don't get to be with just our husbands anymore and to sigh because we can't ever hug him without a half-dozen little hands coming up reaching for hugs, too.

But really. Really. Is this all there is? Is parenting something merely to live through? To merely survive and come out a triumphant empty-nester, joyful because the leeches have left our lives?

Or is this the kind of thing that will teach our children – like all of the world's children – that they are not really cherished; that they are not really, deeply loved; that they are driving us crazy and we'll be glad when they are gone...and so, one day, we will find ourselves needing their care and instead will find that we are not really cherished; that we are not deeply loved; and that we are driving them crazy and they'll be glad when we are gone. And we will sit in a broken rocking chair in a white-walled nursing home with indifferent care and nothing to look forward to but a forced once-a-year visit from our children to ease their guilty consciences.

Much like now, when we sit and read books with our children to ease our own consciences...to make them happy so we can get back to our lives and do something More Important again. I know I have done it from time to time. I am guilty as charged.

I am here to say that I am tired of it. I am tired of hearing the cry that our children our nuisances and we whine, whine, whine and look forward to the days when they will not be nuisances any longer.

Or, in other words, the days when they will no longer need us and we can get back to living our lives.

I say no. I do not want to live that way. I do not want to spend life living it to myself like the world's children do and find that when I die I have only myself left. I do not want to hurry through life, calling my blessings curses and slapping them aside, only to arrive with haste at death and find that I have no one beside me. I do not want to shun my Lord's commands to the point that I put my own soul in danger by swarming to believe the lies of the world and refusing to heed His truth. Refusing to put on His love and take up His cross and look to the joy set before me in His resurrection.

I don't want to go through life with blinders on, missing everything beside me, racing into the vortex of this mad rush our society calls life, only to reach the end of it and realize that I just lived life by missing it completely. I don't want to look back and see my children's arms reaching out to me from the past and realize that it is too late now – too late to reach back out to them; too late to put my other priorities aside and make them my joy; too late now to share the love of Christ with them; too late, and all that is left for me is that death which I have madly spent my whole life racing toward.

I do not want to reach death worn out and spent from living a mad rush to the end. I want to reach death worn out and spent from pouring myself out to the people God has put in my life; especially my husband, and especially my children. I want to reach death and know that I have called good what God calls good, and evil what God calls evil. I want to reach death and know that I have poured myself into my children and that, whether they really appreciate it or not, they have seen Christ's love through me. I want my life to be a love-song of grace; not a love-song to myself.
 
I want to live so that my life will keep speaking after I die. Like Abel who, “being dead, yet speaks.” I want that to be me. And I am pretty sure that a life lived to myself won't get me there. I will be buried and my soul may be in heaven, but my empty shell will rot and so will the memory of my empty life. My children will have no legacy to perpetuate but the same one I gave them – that their children – my grandchildren – are nuisances to be endured until they are finally gone and they can get on with living life in a mad rush to the very same memoryless end as mine. My memory on earth will not carry the sweet perfume of Christ from generation to generation; it will carry the stench of worldly selfishness and that will be my fearsome legacy.

No, I want my children to learn from me that they are precious in my sight; that I love them more than my own life and that their needs are my delights. That I love their questions and love their little squeaky voices and the pitter-patter of feet and that I truly believe the words of God: “Behold, children are an heritage from the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward.” That I do not want them out of my way; that I do not think their needs are trivial annoyances; that I value them deeply and lovingly guide and shape them to become Christ-honoring men and women of faith and strength and love. To love God with all of my heart, soul, and mind, and from loving Him so, to reflect Him more, and to love my children as He loves His...more than my own life.

So I am asking all of you mothers out there – you life-carriers; you nurterers; you soul-shapers and heart-searchers – join me. Join me in a celebration. A celebration of life, and of all good things. And that list of good things most emphatically includes our children.

I do not want to be afraid to die. I am asking you to die with me. Let's die NOW. To ourselves; to our selfish wants...because in doing so I suspect we will find that the life of the dead-to-self is far sweeter than the life of those who live to self alone.

Let's live dead to self and alive to God; and in doing so, show Christ's love to our children and show them fullness of joy – for death to self knocks self out of the way and brings us into the presence of Christ. And “in His presence is fullness of joy.”

Let's stop showing our children that death to self means whiningly enduring hardship and trusting that somehow Christ will give us strength to just Get Through This Wretched Time. Let's show them instead that death to self is discovering what it means to really live – to live joy and fullness and grace. To carry the cross is to laugh in the face of death. To carry the cross is to proclaim to the world that we do not fear death for we serve the One who conquered it. He lives today and rejoices in His children bought by His blood. Let us, in our lesser way, reflect this by giving our life's blood – every beat of our hearts – away. Just give it away. Let's quite obsessing over that all-elusive “me-time” the world tells us we need and take our children by the hands and lead them to the cross and look up at the One who gave no thought to me-time...who lives to make intercession for us.

The One who is never too busy to hear our pleas. Who is always ready to pick us up when we fall. Who doesn't make light of the problems that seem too great for us that to Him must seem like nothing. He corrects us consistently and with love and doesn't spoil us and yet showers us with mercies and a thousand new blessings every day. Who gives us richly all things to enjoy. Who somehow delights in us even though we fail daily – hourly – every moment. I cannot fathom this kind of love, but I do know this: if I am His child, I must model this for my children. If I cannot, I must not know Him well enough. When I fail, I need to run to Him for forgiveness and wisdom. He will never scold me for asking Him for wisdom; He will always be waiting with open arms to hear my pleas for help. But I must fling myself upon Him if I am to have any hope of loving these precious children He has given me – to give them love that is even a shadow of His love for me.

But I have to do that for them. I must. THIS...this is my life's calling. Not to make time to watch that next installment of my favorite TV show. Not to find time to curl up and read that book. Not to travel the world. Not even desperation to find time to be with friends or to be alone with my husband, though those things are important – if they become all-consuming desires and I let them make me bitter towards my children, then no. I have made them idols. May my one object of worship be Christ.

May Christ be seen in me.

I will fail. I will have days when I will resent the mundanity of it all. When I will fail to look into the simple moments and see the glory that is there. When I will see piles of dishes and laundry and hear childish whimpers and feel overwhelmed by it all...it will happen. But I must pause to remember my Lord's climb to Golgotha and remember His many words in praise of children and realize how absurdly blessed and rich I am.

And never, never to give my children reason to think that I wish they had not been born, or that I can't wait until they are gone. Not by action, comment, or Facebook status. If I begin to feel strapped down by them, to take that attitude to the Cross and come away repentant and reminded that they are a blessing. If God declares them a blessing, am I not sinning if I declare them to be otherwise?

Our children are watching us. We must lead them to the Cross. We must show them Christ-life.

Join me on this journey...this journey of death to self...

Because it is not death to die.

Little Hands

Hello, world.

I don't know if anyone out there is reading, but if you are, then welcome to my little corner of the world.  I'm here to share my learnings and convictings and thinkings with you.  Just whatever the Lord is impressing upon me at the time.

Right now, in my position of mommy to 2-under-2...I keep coming back to some very similar themes.  I hope you will enjoy the thoughts I share and the lessons I learn, learning to love my children and my husband as Christ would have me to.  :)


"Some houses try to hide the fact that children shelter there,
Ours boasts of it quite openly, the signs are everywhere,
For smears are on the windows, little smudges on the door,
I should apologise I guess for toys shrewn on the floor,
But I sat down with the children and we played and laughed and read,
And if the windows do not shine, their eyes will shine instead,
And when at times I'm forced to choose the one job or the other,
I want to be a housewife, but first I'll be a mother."
- Unknown author